If you have read my posts before you may be aware that I am a carer for my parents along with my partner Mick. We moved from Yorkshire to Dorset at the end of 2020 to be close at hand. At that time they both had some difficulty with mobility but were mostly independent. In early 2024 Dad had a fall and broke his hip. He has recovered, however, since then his arthritis has worsened and so he is still getting around with a zimmer frame inside and a wheelchair when out and about. Mum has some autoimmune conditions and also has mobility issues which have worsened in the last five years.

They are still cooking, doing laundry and loading the dishwasher etc and so day to day they are able to get on with things although a little slower than before.

We live about five minutes away and so are on hand for emergencies. I have power of attorney for Health & Welfare and Property & Financial for both parents and am the primary contact for the GP for Dad. I have also worked on simplifying as much as possible for example changing to Pilltime pharmacy which provides pouched medication for morning, lunch and evening rather than having to sort them all manually.

Other things we do are:

• shopping, although Mum orders a regular grocery delivery from Sainsbury’s they eat bananas and yogurt for lunch every day and so need fresh every few days,
• driving to appointments (GP, dentist, hospital),
• bigger projects e.g. organising their new carpets including packing up belongings and moving them to storage or booking a company to remove a tree from the back garden,
• online things such as completing a pre-op survey,
• wash and cut my Dad’s hair.

Another thing you are probably aware of is that I am an ADHDer. That can make some of my caring responsibilities a little more difficult.

My executive function challenges can make it difficult for me to remember to do certain things. Mum keeps a list of appointments in her day per page calendar and on a laminated page on the wall. Whenever I am there I check it and make sure that everything is in my Google calendar. Mum tends to send me shopping requests by SMS which means that I can check if they need anything when I am in a shop. I also have a category of tasks for the area of focus “Mum & Dad”.

Dad does not believe in ADHD (although I am convinced it is his genes that mine comes from) and Mum shows signs of ADHD and/or Autism. It was really interesting when I started to do more for Mum as she is very particular about how things are done and I had never noticed because she would do those things herself. Another challenge can be that Mum & Dad have always done most things for themselves e.g. turning part of the front garden into a driveway. Now that they cannot do all of these things themselves their timing expectations can be unrealistic. We are currently planning to take their greenhouse down and get a skip to remove some things which are no longer in use and Dad is getting a little impatient.

They both phone randomly during the day and I am trying to encourage text messages during working hours. If I am on a call, as I often am as a coach, I use an SMS setup which replies asking them to ring again if it is urgent or I will call back once I am available. Their idea of urgent and mine can differ however.

It can be difficult getting the balance right. I would jump up to do things when we first moved down and Dad would get irritated and so now I will often keep an eye on him doing something so that he can indicate if he needs help or I will sometimes ask if he wants some support. He has also got better at asking for help if it is something he doesn’t want to do (such as the big online pre-op form). Mum will also ask for help such as taking the rubbish out.

The main thing is popping in regularly (most days) and keeping our ears open for issues. As an example Mum had set up a subscription on Amazon and we happened to be there. She mentioned that she keeps getting this stuff and that it is not possible to cancel it. It was handy that I was there and got rid of it otherwise she would have been buying pricy antihistamines for the rest of her life.

My favourite things are making them laugh and Dad’s face when we arrive with Waitrose Chocolate Eclairs as a surprise for tea.